I wanna bring you to show and tell
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
