I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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