I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
