Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the day after is always just damage control
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
