I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
