Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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