So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Boobs speak an international language.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
