Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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