Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
