lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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