I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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