You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
