I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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