Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
