this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
