you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
