You really coming over, don't trick.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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