Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
