dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
