I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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