Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
