whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
