talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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