This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
