Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
