The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
