too bad you live with your parents still
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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