Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
