Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
