Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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