apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
