Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
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