she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
