Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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