but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
