HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
