Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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