we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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