He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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