So drunk its hurt
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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