I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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