If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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