Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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