my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
