This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
MIDGETS
????
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
