there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I need a burrito and a hug.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
