Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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