Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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