no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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