duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
