its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
