I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
