PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
