It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
