Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
